Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
