and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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