At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize