so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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