I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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