the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
