remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
