I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
