nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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