I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
