I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
