I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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