is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
