Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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