Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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