we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
