I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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