I hate your face
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
