My friends, they love my intelligence
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
