I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
