okay pat passed out under dana's car
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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