So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
