I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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