i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
