Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
