I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize