She's JV to your varsity
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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