very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
