if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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