Got a toothbrush?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
