Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
