So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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