I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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