Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You're like the curious george of whores
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize