If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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