all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
