Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
