How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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