Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
