i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
