I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
