Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
