Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
