I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
