I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
