If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
