just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize