If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
