with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
