So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
