His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
