I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
3 2 1 whiskey
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
