Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
