I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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