scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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