I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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