forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bring money and cleavage
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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