You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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