guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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