Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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