no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
