Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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