Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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