Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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