so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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