I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
