Your dad touched me again.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize