I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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