So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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